Hello, my name is George W. Bush. Most of you might know me as George W. Bush the president, but behind the curtains I am a DJ. Seeing that my presidency is only a front, I have had to make a few measures in securing that it's trustworthy. You see, in reality, I am nothing like what you see of me in the media. I really don't care about politics, capital or terrorists - all I really care about is spreading the light that is the Illuminati. This is an historic moment, for this is the first true public appearance made by the Illuminati.
Up til now, all you may have heard about our organisation have been horrorstories of vast conspiracies - but most of it is false. What is true is that we consist of many leaders around the world, what's not true is that the organisation is used to breed corruption - for there is noone on this planet who have done more in order to put an end to the dark force that is corruption. No, what we do is of quite the contrary in nature, for our brandname is quite literal - we spread light. Our means are the DJ-sets we arrange in secrecy and that is the most powerful tool against all the darkness of this world.
In comparison, all the guns and ammo in the world is futile.